self-imposed echo chamber

 He put 4 fingers in me knuckle deep I liked it, it hurt. I liked the hurt. My body did. At one point of a particularly deep reach, I pulled it out and asked to taste it. Never seen anything like it and neither had he. Thankful.  Then the next day he fucked me with a finger in my ass. THANKFUL!!

 it has been a year and a half since the end of us. it still feels weird to hear your name and I am always inclined to ask people if they know you from high school. but I dont.  I talked about your sister last night at my boyfriends work party. I was tipsy so I probably was not being very kind. The poor girl that was listening to me was not prepared for all of that. whatever. I think about you less often than I used to, which is good. when I do think about you, though, it is such an odd feeling. the sadness is there but it isn't. I have phantom limb but with emotions. the shadow of my sadness is there. I hope your sadness is only a shadow too. 

"it could always be worse" rolls over my tongue and tastes bitter in the mouth who knew it was a curse? here is my final act! sitting in the still dark my premonitions swirl peace but an artifact  frivoloty compounds  it transforms to a beast misguided resentment never lost, never found 

 Dawn streams in the room Counting the freckles you wear I like mornings now 

 What would it feel like to move through the world without any self-consciousness? How much of my perception of my body and abilities comes from my own experience, and how much comes from how I think others see me? If I could separate the two, what truths about myself would remain? I think I have had fleeting moments experiencing the world without any self-consciousness.  If I could have more than a glimpse of life without these feelings, it would be a revolution. I am always unapologetically myself and it is so easy to get lost in the moment with people that I love and people that make me laugh. In those times, my spirit shows, not my physical form. I would imagine that shedding the self-consciousness would feel freeing to my spirit.  The second question stings! There are many things I can do, but many things I have foregone because I assumed I couldn't. I am 24 years old, and I want to go back in time so bad and tell 12 year old me to at least try to do a cartwheel befo...

 When did I lose my innocence? How have I treated myself since?  I think I lost my innocence when I found porn on my dads computer. I definitely should not have seen that. When I reflect back on it, I am struck by the emotions I felt towards my father. I was disgusted, upset, and I don't think I have looked at him the same since. I was like 12.  The impact that had on me was probably significant, but I cannot remember a time where I thought any lower of myself than around that age. It probably hurt. Since that age, I have gained confidence and empowerment.